The Gimcrack Miscellany

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – BERATED!

Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 26. Jun, 2009 | 1267Comments2009-06-26+16%3A44%3A28The+Gimcracker

Michael Bay is a 15 year old boy trapped in a man’s body (and in the ’90s). He gets older, his movies stay the same age. I don’t know why I keep seeing his movies. I guess it is because when I was 15 I saw The Rock and it rocked (sorry) my 15-year-old little brain that desired nothing but violence/sex/wreckage/fast cars and had no time for character development, real-life situations, or dialogue. At the risk of sounding pretentious, Revenge of the Fallen is for one of two groups: A) 15 year old boys (or anyone with the mental capacity of a 15 year old boy), and B) people who are willing to forgo their dignity to publicly oggle over Megan Fox and Isabel Lucas for 2 hours (actually this is just another way of describing group A).

If you refer to the image I have conveniently included above, you will see a snapshot of exactly what this movie is: Shia is intense and scared, Megan is slightly less intense and scared and her breasts are half exposed, and they are surrounded by wreckage and GM cars. If that is what you want out of life then GO SEE THIS MOVIE RIGHT NOW WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! Also when you’re done seeing Transformers rent the movie Idiocracy and tell me if you “get it” or not. You won’t.

People Are Beginning To Agree That Twitter Is Dumb

I read an interesting article called Orphaned Tweets about the large number of people that sign up for Twitter, post one tweet, and never return. Well good golly I’m not the only one then. Two interesting statements from the article are “10 percent of Twitter users account for 90 percent of the tweets” and “60 percent of users do not return from one month to the next”. Both facts are alarming and here’s why.

Seriously, Multigrain Cheerios?!

Have you seen one of the worst commercials on television yet? It’s a married couple in a kitchen that looks like it’s from a mental institution (because it’s all white washed and because the people in it are mentally insane) talking about Multigrain Cheerios. As in the majority of commercials these days, the wife comes off as much smarter than her bumbling, stammering husband. It’s not the wife’s behavior that is the problem, it is the husband’s.

It is a husband’s responsibility to zing his wife back. If he doesn’t, the ensuing relationship is his own fault. However if my wife ever smiled at me as condescendingly as the woman in this commercial I would probably throw up all my lunches from the past 4 days straight into her little bowl of soggy oat rings. It literally makes me gag just watching it. It makes me GOL (that’s a real thing starting now).

I Am A Big Fan Of Gabriel Delahaye

I already know of one Gabe who is really funny on the Internet, and that’s the one who writes for Penny Arcade. Surely there can’t be two Gabes who are really funny on the Internet. Well I have found a second Gabe who is even better than the first one. He is my favorite person in all of the Internet/TV/Movies/Culture/All this month.

Let me begin by introducing you to him in a way that will immediately show you what he’s all about. That way you can watch this first video and decide if A) you agree with me and want to find out more by reading the rest of the post and commenting about how much you agree, or B) you don’t agree and you don’t feel like wasting your time. Most bloggers wouldn’t be so courteous as to help you with major Internet decisions like this. TMG’s a little different. A special different.

5 Best Uses Of Music In A Commercial

You know how the taste of something is like 50% based on smell, and communication is like 90% based on your body language? Well I submit that commercials are 100% based on the background music.

The genius ad agencies are the ones that grab your attention. It’s hard to grab peoples’ attention using visuals since most people look away during the commercials, plus the fact that we’re constantly barraged with visuals as we’re watching TV, so our eyes become used to constant stimulus.

5 Annoying Comedy Character Clichés

There’s nothing worse than a cliché. They were obviously invented for a good reason. Sometimes you don’t feel like explaining something the old-fashioned way, such as using logic and meaningful words, so it’s easier to just use a cliché.

The problem is people use clichés much too frequently, causing them to A) lose their poignancy and B) get really annoying. Even the word cliché has become a cliché, which has caused a recursive lapse in the time-space continuum – similar to what would happen if you were to make two mirrors reflect each other. Thank goodness no one has ever tried that.

Even more annoying than clichéd words and phrases are film elements, such as plot lines, endings, actors, and characters. Today we will focus on the latter.

Katy Perry Looks Like Zooey Deschanel

Remember that broad who Kissed A Girl? Also remember that girl from The Happening? Well if you haven’t figured it out by now, they look exactly alike. And I’m the first one who pointed it out.

Click this post to play a little game where I’ve included a picture of each person and labeled them A and B. Your job is to figure out which is which. This is a new type of game semantic that I’ve created which you have probably never seen before, so if you get confused just read the comments.

It is sad that this post is the reason my blog has had so many visits over the last year. Whoa whoa, hold on there. I didn’t say I regret writing it.

Recently Added

Heroes III: In The Wake Of Gods (WoG)

Posted by The Gimcracker in Gaming on 22. Jul, 2008 | 483Comments2008-07-22+15%3A37%3A47The+Gimcracker

If you have never played Heroes of Might & Magic III (HOMM3), I highly recommend checking it out. I know everyone’s playing their fancy shmancy Wees, Ecksbockses, World of WoWcrafts and such nowadays, but I can attest that HOMM3 is some of the best fun I’ve ever had playing a video game. Of course, that’s [...]

The Dark Knight

Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 21. Jul, 2008 | 453CommentsThe+Dark+Knight2008-07-21+16%3A24%3A25The+Gimcracker

It stars an unlikely actor as “The Joker” who’s accidental death came just before filming was to wrap up. It’s a 2.5+ hour comic book movie spawned from the same franchise that contains filth like Batman & Robin. It had to compete with such summer action blockbusters as Wanted, Hellboy II, and Hancock.
It shattered 5 [...]

Flight Of The Bumblebee pt. 2: Fastest Guitarist In The World

Posted by The Gimcracker in Amazing, Music on 18. Jul, 2008 | 448Comments2008-07-18+15%3A51%3A48The+Gimcracker

It’s Friday. That means multiple posts chocked full of stuff I find on Digg. Hold on to your butts.
If you’ve seen my first post about Flight Of The Bumblebee performances, you know where I’m going with this. There is some new video footage of the fastest guitarist in the world. Officially the fastest. That’s not [...]

Hilarious Way Of Making Comics

Posted by The Gimcracker in ROFL on 18. Jul, 2008 | 440CommentsHilarious+Way+Of+Making+Comics2008-07-18+14%3A26%3A04The+Gimcracker

If I had 8 hours a day to sit here and come up with funny stuff to blog about I would have eventually come up with this. It may have taken years, but my LOLheads were the first step in the right direction.
You can clearly see that the author of this comic strip simply [...]

Weezer Internet Celebrity Tribute

Posted by The Gimcracker in Music, Stuff On The Internet on 16. Jul, 2008 | 422CommentsWeezer+Internet+Celebrity+Tribute2008-07-16+20%3A08%3A41The+Gimcracker

Well, I was gonna post about how 99% of cops are complete idiots, but that is going to be a more involved post that I don’t feel like doing right now. In the meantime I stumbled upon a little gem on Digg today. So, here’s a little more light-hearted fun for you:
Step 1: Read this [...]

Fire

Posted by The Gimcracker in Amazing, Science on 03. Jul, 2008 | 407CommentsFire2008-07-03+15%3A56%3A50The+Gimcracker

I have been inspired by the 4th of July to post about fire-related phenomena, seeing as how millions of (probably drunk) people are about to shoot dangerous bombs into the sky. Remember the movie Backdraft? Can you believe that came out 17 years ago?!? I was pretty into that movie back in the 90s and [...]

God Hates Fags

Posted by The Gimcracker in Fail, Theory & Philosophy on 10. Jun, 2008 | 404CommentsGod+Hates+Fags2008-06-10+14%3A09%3A26The+Gimcracker

At least, that’s what they think. The Westboro Baptist Church is protesting across from the convention center, which is where the Southern Baptist Convention is being held this week. They’re the ones with the God Hates Fags website.
I saw them on my way to work this morning. There’s even a little kid out there holding [...]

I Know I’m Cynical…

Posted by The Gimcracker in Gimcrackery, ROFL on 05. Jun, 2008 | 380CommentsI+Know+I%27m+Cynical...2008-06-05+15%3A00%3A58The+Gimcracker

…but sometimes cynicism equals hilarity.
Here is some partly cynical, mostly hysterical junk I found on the web over the past couple days. First we’ll start with my favorite t-shirt designs from Busted Tees (I wouldn’t waste my time on that site if I were you). If you don’t understand them all, you must not spend [...]

What Is An Electrolyte?

Posted by The Gimcracker in Blogging, Sports on 03. Jun, 2008 | 378CommentsWhat+Is+An+Electrolyte%3F2008-06-03+13%3A38%3A24The+Gimcracker

I was reading this post about salt tablets taken during long distance running on this blog about running and started thinking to myself, “why do you need salt if you run for a long distance?” This prompted me to click on the website for S!Caps where I kept seeing the words like sodium, potassium, and [...]

Flight Of The Bumblebee

Posted by The Gimcracker in Music on 30. May, 2008 | 377CommentsFlight+Of+The+Bumblebee2008-05-30+17%3A57%3A48The+Gimcracker

There’s something about musical prodigies that can cause me to waste an entire work day on Youtube. Today is Friday and I stayed up far past my bedtime last night. That means today is one of those days. I have compiled an assortment of videos for your viewing pleasure.
Today’s theme is Flight of the Bumblebee [...]

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April: I cracked up reading your blog post so in that way the movie wasn't all bad. Maybe Michael Bay wanted to...
Christopher: I love when the video says, "It was the real world!" (1:32)… because…...
Mister Andy: They're easy to differentiate. In any given pair of pictures, Katy is the slutty/trashy one, and...
adriankolbo: man, who would have thought he would do such a straight up thriller/horror flick. definitely going to...
Sheridan: zooey has bright blue eyes and kate doesn't
Jesse: the thing about 10 percent is, (and you know this) it's probably not 10 percent. It's probably...
Tim: Deal!
April: Don't Crap on the App!
Tim: Bri Bri, Sherlock Holmes looks amazing. I almost don't want to risk seeing the actual movie because the...
Sally: I could only tell because of the clothes, though.