Nickelback vs. Radiohead (Seriously?!)
Posted by The Gimcracker in Music, Seriously?! on 26. Feb, 2010 | 1 Comment
I have been asked a few times why I hate Nickelback so much. Well, hopefully after writing this blog post I can answer that question in the future by giving the person the URL to this article. Thanks, past self. You’re welcome, future self.
I was in the car today and forgot my iPod, so I had to listen to the radio. I came upon a gem of a song. And by “gem” I mean “turd” and by “song” I mean “homeless man”. It’s called “If Today Was Your Last Day” by Nickelback, and it is one of the worst songs I have ever heard. In fact, the only worse songs I’ve heard have been other Nickelback songs, like the one where he says something about looking at a photograph and he’s asking what the hell was on his friend Jimmy’s head or something like that. I hope you never have to hear it.
Seriously, AciPhex?!
Posted by The Gimcracker in ROFL, Seriously?! on 12. Jan, 2010 | No Comments
This is a thing. A real thing. It’s a medication to treat acid reflux disease. What did they call it? AciPhex, naturally. Wait a second… AciPhex? Assiphex? Ass effects? No, no that can’t be right. Well yes, actually, that’s exactly how it’s pronounced. ASS EFFECTS. See for yourself – watch the commercial and try to keep a straight face:
Seriously, NBC?!
Posted by The Gimcracker in Seriously?!, Television, Theory & Philosophy on 20. Nov, 2009 | 2 Comments
I know what you’re thinking: two Seriously?! posts about television networks, back to back? The economy is in bad shape, man, and it affects everyone. Or I watched a little too much TV this week. So, did you happen to catch any of the programming on NBC last night, namely The Office and 30 Rock? If you did, you may now loose the wire around your neck – it’s not worth killing yourself. If you didn’t, I just want you to know that this blog post is not exaggerated – these things actually occurred on this planet in this dimension in this country in my living room.
Apparently it is “Green Week” or something (didn’t know that) and NBC is the most liberally-biased network there is (did know that), which is a very annoying combination. Before I tell you what happened, let me refresh you with our classic TGM political disclaimers. I am neither conservative nor liberal on all matters, and I do not fall into either of the groups in the two one-party system. If NBC was ultra-conservative instead of liberal, and it was like “Gun Week” or something, then I would be equally annoyed. Glad we cleared that up. So, what hoopla went on last night, besides a pot-head scoring 3 TDs against Carolina?
Seriously, Sportscenter?!
Posted by The Gimcracker in Seriously?!, Sports on 16. Nov, 2009 | 2 Comments
I just need to vent for a second about the coverage that I have seen in the media regarding the 11/16/09 Sunday night Colts vs. Patriots game, and this is just in the 12 hours after the game. I’m not going to waste a lot of your time, and I wasn’t going to do a post about the game because it sort of speaks for itself. But by golly someone needs to stand up and defend the Colts against this biased, band-wagon jumping, star-struck, Tom Brady-loving nation.
Most People Like Terrible Movies
Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies, Seriously?! on 11. Aug, 2009 | 3 Comments
Seriously, moviegoers?! You liked Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen?
There are two explanations for the way I feel about the downward-sloping overall quality of movies over the past few years. 1) I am getting older and my taste has become more refined, or 2) greed has ruined the movie industry by encouraging quantity over quality. Seeing as how my favorite cuisine is Taco Bell, I own a Nick Lachey album, and prefer Miller Lite when it comes to beers, the first explanation has to be impossible.
So, it’s greed. Greedy movie studio executives (is that redundant?) are buying up film rights to old cartoon franchises faster than Grand Theft Auto fanboys were buying San Andreas before it was pulled from the shelves in 2005. However, placing the blame for terrible movies on film execs is like blaming GM for the decline of domestic automobiles. Film execs represent a corporation, which exists solely to make money. They will do whatever they can get away with to cause consumers (which in the case of GM includes the government) to spend money on their product. While it is because of filmmakers that films are terrible, it is not their fault. The blame should be placed on the American consumer. You. It is your fault.
Seriously, People Are Dying?!
Posted by The Gimcracker in Music, Reference Burst Theory, Seriously?! on 09. Jul, 2009 | No Comments
Isn’t it crazy how many people have died recently? I’m talking about famous people, who are worth at least 10 regular people. The recent events remind me of not one but two separate topics I have previously written about in this blog. The first is obviously Reference Burst Theory where celebrities die in threes, because within two days Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Micheal Jackson died (some would say there was a second wave with Billy Mays, Karl Maldon, and Steve McNair). But the second topic is what I would call your attention to now, and that’s the idea of people becoming proverbial saints upon death, which I touched on in my award-winning blog post entitled “Alive One Minute, Saint The Next” written in November 2007. Seriously, Everyone On Earth?! This Micheal Jackson stuff is getting ridiculous. That’s the end of this article so there’s no reason to click the title, sorry.
Seriously, Multigrain Cheerios?!
Posted by The Gimcracker in Men Vs. Women, Seriously?!, Television on 02. Jun, 2009 | 4 Comments
Have you seen one of the worst commercials on television yet? It’s a married couple in a kitchen that looks like it’s from a mental institution (because it’s all white washed and because the people in it are mentally insane) talking about Multigrain Cheerios. As in the majority of commercials these days, the wife comes off as much smarter than her bumbling, stammering husband. It’s not the wife’s behavior that is the problem, it is the husband’s.
It is a husband’s responsibility to zing his wife back. If he doesn’t, the ensuing relationship is his own fault. However if my wife ever smiled at me as condescendingly as the woman in this commercial I would probably throw up all my lunches from the past 4 days straight into her little bowl of soggy oat rings. It literally makes me gag just watching it. It makes me GOL (that’s a real thing starting now).
Seriously?!
Posted by The Gimcracker in Seriously?! on 19. May, 2009 | No Comments
I’m always looking for reasons to create new blog categories that I’ll get tired of and not fulfill in the future (“Office-Graphs”, “B-Ratings”, “LOL-heads”, “pictures-of-hot-singers-that-look-like-hot-actresses-that-attract-12-year-old-girls-and-68-year-old-men-in-order-to-artificially-inflate-my-blog-statistics”).
In the past, each time I have created a new series the premise has intentionally gotten simpler because I want to increase the likelihood that I will actually keep the idea going. It has never worked. So let’s just go into my newest idea with low expectations.
