An Ode to the Colts of Two-Thousand and Ten
Posted by The Gimcracker in Sports on 02. Dec, 2010 | No Comments
This about sums up our frustrating 2010 Colts season thus far. This poem was written by the Professor of Puns, the Friar of Funny, the Weaver of Wordplay, the Begetter of Brilliant, and the Teacher of Tongue-in-cheek, Jonathan Wey. Truly epic:
Personality Quiz: Which Colts Player Are You?
Posted by The Gimcracker in Personality Quizes, Sports on 27. Oct, 2010 | 15 Comments
Ever wanted to know which Colts player you have the most in common with? Well now’s your chance to find out! This scientifically tested quiz has been proven to render 99.18% accurate results. We spent two months in a windowless, locked laboratory room stocked with coffee and volcano tacos performing heavy market research in order to produce the following 10 simple multiple choice questions, which are designed to help you determine which Colts player you are. You don’t have to be a huge Colts fan like me to take this quiz – it’s for everyone. Leave a comment and tell us which Colts player you most resemble!
NFL vs NBA vs MLB
Posted by The Gimcracker in Sports on 03. Jun, 2010 | 3 Comments
There are a lot of differences between professional football, basketball, and baseball. We know that football is the best out of the three, and even though basketball sucks, there is no question that it is a distant runner up. That leaves baseball as the odd man out. I have been pondering why baseball sucks so bad. Just look at the outfield stands during baseball home run highlights. I challenge you to find a clip where the stands are actually full. Usually, there aren’t even any fans in those stands. In fact, take a look at the following informative maps which show the distribution of baseball, basketball, and football fans in America:
LOLheads – The Belichad Kroeger (aka The Nickelchick)
Posted by The Gimcracker in LOLheads, Sports on 23. Nov, 2009 | No Comments
It’s been quite a while since we had a Bill Belichick sighting, probably because during the off season he retreats to his mansion in Croatia and watches Lacrosse while listening to Bon Jovi albums. He was a little busier than usual this off-season bailing his son out of trouble for under-age drinking and pot possession. He was almost kicked off the Lacrosse team! But all that is behind him because the NFL season is fully underway and he’s back in the spotlight. Belichick’s rise to fame, proceeded by it’s rapid decline due to unsportsmanlike conduct and cheating, followed by it’s sharp drop-off after a retarded coaching decision against the Colts last week, bears resemblance to the front man of a particular 2000′s-era Canadian rock band. In fact, they have a lot of things in common, particularly the fact that they are both insanely successful despite being universally hated by most of the fans in their industry. I think you will know who I’m talking about when you see this recent Belichick sighting from yesterday afternoon:
Seriously, Sportscenter?!
Posted by The Gimcracker in Seriously?!, Sports on 16. Nov, 2009 | 2 Comments
I just need to vent for a second about the coverage that I have seen in the media regarding the 11/16/09 Sunday night Colts vs. Patriots game, and this is just in the 12 hours after the game. I’m not going to waste a lot of your time, and I wasn’t going to do a post about the game because it sort of speaks for itself. But by golly someone needs to stand up and defend the Colts against this biased, band-wagon jumping, star-struck, Tom Brady-loving nation.
NFL Theme Songs
Posted by The Gimcracker in Music, Sports on 05. Aug, 2009 | 8 Comments
Thursday, September 10th, at 8:30PM the Titans and Steelers will open the 2009 NFL season. I have embedded a convenient countdown timer for your benefit. Except I couldn’t put in a time so it’s counting down to midnight of September 9th. Close enough.
Around this time every year I usually do a blog post to get us hyped up for football season. For the 2007 season I posted an awesome Nike commercial that gets you hyped up no matter what. For the 2008 season I posted a funny Jim Mora commercial that will make you laugh as well as get you hyped up no matter what. Sometimes I even do it mid-year, like in December 2007 when I hit you with a post with awesome NFL photos which is guaranteed to make you wish you played in the NFL and also get you hyped up no matter what.
This year I have been inspired by the sound of music. I have obtained samples of all the various NFL themes. You will be surprised at how many of these you know, and how you didn’t realize they were actually different songs. Even if you’re a girl, or are not a football fan, or both, I guarantee you will recognize 90% of these themes. You won’t know how, but you’ll recognize them, I promise.
Have I Mentioned Twitter Is Not My Fav?
Posted by The Gimcracker in Sports, Twitter Sucks on 09. Jul, 2009 | 1 Comment
Chad Johnson or Ocho-Cinco or Blond-Fauxhawk wants to Tweet during NFL games. Apparently he has run out of things to distract him from actually playing good football: changing his name, dogging his teammates, doing dances in the end-zone, sporting a blond mohawk, pouring popcorn into his mouth through his helmet on the sidelines (or was that T.O?), etc. I think he should focus on scoring more than 4 measly touchdowns this season. Chad Johnson my friend you have just been burned by the eternal flame of TGM.
Amazing Happened Again
Posted by The Gimcracker in Sports on 22. May, 2009 | No Comments
I told you to watch the NBA playoffs because remember how I was talking about where does amazing happen and then you put it on your mental list to watch at least a quarter of one game to make me feel better? Or were you just saying that? Well in either case amazing happened again last night (that’s what she said I wish).
Where Will Amazing Happen?
Posted by The Gimcracker in Amazing, ROFL, Sports on 08. May, 2009 | 1 Comment
I have been watching the NBA Playoffs this year. I don’t know why I have. I just have. I really like this year’s commercials because they make basketball seem good again even though it’s not good. It’s not good at all. But when you put it in black & white and add poignant piano music, it becomes epic.
The videos are after the jump. They get really good towards the bottom. Hint hint. What I mean by hint hint is that is they get funny. You gotta be kidding me that I have to spell things out like that.
OK, Enough With The Roller Derby Stuff
Posted by The Gimcracker in Sports on 16. Apr, 2009 | 20 Comments
I feel like roller derby thinks it’s going to rise up and become a prominent force in our society much like NFL or McDonalds or Paul Walker (just kidding) and I want to sit roller derby down and say to her “you are tenacious but please – enough already” because seriously IT’S FOR LESBIANS. It’s OK that it’s for lesbians, and I am not bashing lesbians in any way shape or form. But the fact is that if something is targeted to such a small slice of the population, it’s not going to become mainstream enough to have any kind of bearing on our culture.
