The “Teen Paranormal Romance” Genre at Barnes & Noble
Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies on 17. Nov, 2010 | 3 Comments
Thanks, Twilight. Thanks for being the reason there is now a section in bookstores purely devoted to Teen Paranormal Romance. I’m serious, I saw it last week when I was at Barnes & Noble. I thought the first Twilight movie was enjoyable, just like I enjoy the first steak I eat at dinner. Thanks, I’m full, and I enjoyed becoming full. What’s that? No, I don’t want to eat 3 more steaks exactly the same size, shape, and taste as the first one I ate. Likewise, I don’t want to watch several subsequent movies that are literally the exact same recipe as Twilight, designed solely to make movie studio execs’ wallets even fatter. It was bad enough that there was more than one Twilight movie (none of which were as good as the first one), but now we have Teen Paranormal Romance. So, I was not the least bit surprised when I saw the following movie trailer. It’s based on an old fairy tale, but it’s clearly 1% old fairy tale and 99% Teen Paranormal Romance. See for yourself (ugh):
Inception Berated, Plus Some Really Bad Movies Berated To Balance It Out
Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 20. Jul, 2010 | 6 Comments
I knew it would be good! I knew it! Some people hated it. However, A lot of other, smarter people raved about it. I for one am raving about it. Here’s the thing, I’m sort of tired of logically defining every aspect of life. What am I, a scientist? Don’t get me wrong, me and logic are like peas and carrots, but peas also have another cooler friend called mashed potatoes, and mashed potatoes represent feelings and emotions. Sometimes I discard logic for feelings, and that’s what I’m doing with Inception.
Zach Galifianakis & Robert Downey Jr. In A Film Together!
Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies, ROFL on 15. Jul, 2010 | 3 Comments
It’s like saying a Volcano Taco and a Gyro are in the same meal together! Only because they’re both really good, not because the food bears any resemblance to the aforementioned actors. Speaking of, that should be Taco Bell’s next promotional item: The Cheesy Gyro Burrito. Back to the topic: I’m really excited to see this new movie these two guys are in. It’s called Due Date and I think it’s about a road trip or something. Watch the trailer:
I Found Another Person Who Thinks Most Moviegoers Are Dumb!
Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies on 29. Jun, 2010 | 1 Comment
There is a link to an amazing article at the end of this blog post. But, before you click the link, you must agree with the following 8 statements. If you do not agree to all of them – ALL OF THEM – you are not allowed to click the link. I will be watching you as you read the statements and analyze them in your head. I have a plugin which notifies me by IP address when someone accesses my blog, lets me actually see back at them using their computer’s web cam, and then lets me disable the link so they can’t click it. I can usually tell by someone’s facial expression if they agree or disagree with a statement that is made. So, unless you A) don’t have a web cam, or B) have a great poker face, this applies to you. Yes, I went to all that work just to disable a link. That’s how important the topic at hand is. So, do you agree or disagree with the following 8 statements?
I’m Calling Inception
Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies on 24. May, 2010 | No Comments
Once upon a time there was a strange and mysterious trailer for an unknown film called The Matrix. Upon seeing this trailer, something inside me told me it was going to be huge. I would say to people “I can’t wait to see The Matrix! Have you seen the trailer yet?” and no one would know what I was talking about. Then it came out and it turned out I was right and that it was huge. A few years later I saw a preview for a little show called The Office, and the same thing happened again. No one knew what it was or seemed to care, but for some reason I had a feeling about it. Well today I’m officially calling Inception. We’ll see if I’m right, come July 16th. Here is the trailer. Wow.
Shutter Island Berated
Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 08. Mar, 2010 | No Comments
Scorsese does it again. While Shutter Island is not about the mob or gangs or Italy or wiseguys or illegal drugs, it still has that Scorsese feel. There are a few common elements carried over from his previous film The Departed, such as Boston accents and Leonardo DiCaprio, but that is where the similarities end. There are only about 10 “f-bombs”, in contrast to the 100+ in his other films. There are 2 violent/bloody scenes, in contrast to the usual 10+ in his other films. An finally, there are 0 crazy, old, tough-guy actors (Robert Deniros, Joe Pescis, and Jack Nicolsons), in contrast to 1+ of his other films. The point is that Martin Scorsese has deviated from the type of film genre he usually dabbles in (quite successfully) to venture into the realm of psychological thriller, and he proves that he is quite skilled in it. I’m hoping for a romantic comedy next, followed by a new installment in the college humor Van Wilder series.
Avatar Berated
Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 30. Dec, 2009 | 3 Comments
Have you ever been so immersed in a story or character that you forget it is not real? Avatar does that to you. After seeing the film, it’s hard to remember that the blue-skinned alien race called the Na’vi doesn’t actually exist. It’s hard to imagine that Biff from Back To The Future isn’t a jerk in real life. Or that Middle Earth isn’t a real place. It’s because of good film-making that those things are so convincing. If I could sum up Avatar in a single phrase, it wouldn’t be “master storytelling”, “heart-wrenching drama”, “superb characters”, or even “ground-breaking”, it would simply be “superb film-making”. James Cameron knows how to make a film into an event that you can’t miss. Audiences were greatly affected by movies like The Terminator, Aliens, and Titanic. Well we can definitely add Avatar to the ever-growing list of must-sees in the theater.
Paranormal Activity Berated
Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 30. Oct, 2009 | 2 Comments
There’s something inside of me that wants to be scared, and that’s why I am constantly pursuing the feeling of fear, whether it’s riding the most thrilling roller coaster on the face of the planet (Top Thrill Dragster at Cedar Point), camping in the middle of the deep dark woods, or seeing scary movies. Coasters and camping are still able to invoke a decent amount of fear in me (although not as much as they used to), but movies are unable to do so. I have not been truly scared of a movie for a long time. That is, until last night.
There have been some good movies that have come close. For instance, The Ring scared me, as did The Others and 1408. And I’m not talking about jumping out of my seat because something on the screen startled me, I’m referring to the sort of scared that sticks with you and interferes with your sleep. I realize that there are a lot of people out there who absolutely do not want to be scared in this way, and that is just fine. But if you are like me and you secretly love that rare feeling of truly being frightened to your core, then go see Paranormal Activity in the theaters as soon as possible.
A Bunch of Beratings At Once! A Gaggle Of Them!
Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 01. Sep, 2009 | No Comments
Did you know a gaggle only refers to geese on the ground? In the air they’re referred to as a skein. I don’t know why I told you that. Maybe you should Twitter it you twidiot1. I don’t always have time to Berate a movie after I’ve seen it because I have a job and a wife and there’s beer to be drunk and I’m too busy retweeting about Conan episodes that make fun of Twitter. J/k, what is a retweet? Is it something? Because I think I’ve heard of it. So I’ve decided that I still want to have a record of my reaction to movies I’ve seen even if I don’t have the time to write a full Berating, and in doing so I have made up my second new word of this blog post: Briefratings2. And you’re about to get a gaggle of them and agree with everything I write as usual. (I’ll do whatever I have to do to get you to comment on TGM).
District 9 – Berated
Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 31. Aug, 2009 | 2 Comments
District 9 is one of those rare gems where the cast is made up of entirely unknowns, directed by an unknown, and set in an unknown place (there’s a city in South Africa with buildings? is South Africa like a country or something? more ignorant questions). That’s why it’s such a good movie. It’s like Star Wars IV or Cloverfield or Napoleon Dynamite. I guess what I’m saying is it can only go down from here. So let’s all enjoy this movie while we still can. Everyone go out and see this movie and support directors that make special effects who are not Micheal Bay. Do it for the children.
