The Gimcrack Miscellany

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – BERATED!

Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 26. Jun, 2009 | 1267Comments2009-06-26+16%3A44%3A28The+Gimcracker

Michael Bay is a 15 year old boy trapped in a man’s body (and in the ’90s). He gets older, his movies stay the same age. I don’t know why I keep seeing his movies. I guess it is because when I was 15 I saw The Rock and it rocked (sorry) my 15-year-old little brain that desired nothing but violence/sex/wreckage/fast cars and had no time for character development, real-life situations, or dialogue. At the risk of sounding pretentious, Revenge of the Fallen is for one of two groups: A) 15 year old boys (or anyone with the mental capacity of a 15 year old boy), and B) people who are willing to forgo their dignity to publicly oggle over Megan Fox and Isabel Lucas for 2 hours (actually this is just another way of describing group A).

If you refer to the image I have conveniently included above, you will see a snapshot of exactly what this movie is: Shia is intense and scared, Megan is slightly less intense and scared and her breasts are half exposed, and they are surrounded by wreckage and GM cars. If that is what you want out of life then GO SEE THIS MOVIE RIGHT NOW WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! Also when you’re done seeing Transformers rent the movie Idiocracy and tell me if you “get it” or not. You won’t.

People Are Beginning To Agree That Twitter Is Dumb

I read an interesting article called Orphaned Tweets about the large number of people that sign up for Twitter, post one tweet, and never return. Well good golly I’m not the only one then. Two interesting statements from the article are “10 percent of Twitter users account for 90 percent of the tweets” and “60 percent of users do not return from one month to the next”. Both facts are alarming and here’s why.

Seriously, Multigrain Cheerios?!

Have you seen one of the worst commercials on television yet? It’s a married couple in a kitchen that looks like it’s from a mental institution (because it’s all white washed and because the people in it are mentally insane) talking about Multigrain Cheerios. As in the majority of commercials these days, the wife comes off as much smarter than her bumbling, stammering husband. It’s not the wife’s behavior that is the problem, it is the husband’s.

It is a husband’s responsibility to zing his wife back. If he doesn’t, the ensuing relationship is his own fault. However if my wife ever smiled at me as condescendingly as the woman in this commercial I would probably throw up all my lunches from the past 4 days straight into her little bowl of soggy oat rings. It literally makes me gag just watching it. It makes me GOL (that’s a real thing starting now).

I Am A Big Fan Of Gabriel Delahaye

I already know of one Gabe who is really funny on the Internet, and that’s the one who writes for Penny Arcade. Surely there can’t be two Gabes who are really funny on the Internet. Well I have found a second Gabe who is even better than the first one. He is my favorite person in all of the Internet/TV/Movies/Culture/All this month.

Let me begin by introducing you to him in a way that will immediately show you what he’s all about. That way you can watch this first video and decide if A) you agree with me and want to find out more by reading the rest of the post and commenting about how much you agree, or B) you don’t agree and you don’t feel like wasting your time. Most bloggers wouldn’t be so courteous as to help you with major Internet decisions like this. TMG’s a little different. A special different.

5 Best Uses Of Music In A Commercial

You know how the taste of something is like 50% based on smell, and communication is like 90% based on your body language? Well I submit that commercials are 100% based on the background music.

The genius ad agencies are the ones that grab your attention. It’s hard to grab peoples’ attention using visuals since most people look away during the commercials, plus the fact that we’re constantly barraged with visuals as we’re watching TV, so our eyes become used to constant stimulus.

5 Annoying Comedy Character Clichés

There’s nothing worse than a cliché. They were obviously invented for a good reason. Sometimes you don’t feel like explaining something the old-fashioned way, such as using logic and meaningful words, so it’s easier to just use a cliché.

The problem is people use clichés much too frequently, causing them to A) lose their poignancy and B) get really annoying. Even the word cliché has become a cliché, which has caused a recursive lapse in the time-space continuum – similar to what would happen if you were to make two mirrors reflect each other. Thank goodness no one has ever tried that.

Even more annoying than clichéd words and phrases are film elements, such as plot lines, endings, actors, and characters. Today we will focus on the latter.

Katy Perry Looks Like Zooey Deschanel

Remember that broad who Kissed A Girl? Also remember that girl from The Happening? Well if you haven’t figured it out by now, they look exactly alike. And I’m the first one who pointed it out.

Click this post to play a little game where I’ve included a picture of each person and labeled them A and B. Your job is to figure out which is which. This is a new type of game semantic that I’ve created which you have probably never seen before, so if you get confused just read the comments.

It is sad that this post is the reason my blog has had so many visits over the last year. Whoa whoa, hold on there. I didn’t say I regret writing it.

Recently Added

How To Shake Something

Posted by The Gimcracker in I Can Has Cheezburger, ROFL on 14. Aug, 2008 | 604CommentsHow+To+Shake+Something2008-08-14+16%3A47%3A19The+Gimcracker

My third attempt.

Analysis of Popular La Vidas

Posted by The Gimcracker in I Can Has Cheezburger, ROFL on 14. Aug, 2008 | 598CommentsAnalysis+of+Popular+La+Vidas2008-08-14+13%3A27%3A41The+Gimcracker

My second attempt.

Distribution of Things On Fire

Posted by The Gimcracker in I Can Has Cheezburger, ROFL on 13. Aug, 2008 | 595CommentsDistribution+of+Things+On+Fire2008-08-13+18%3A56%3A26The+Gimcracker

My first attempt.

Why Do People Hate Titanic?

Posted by The Gimcracker in Movies, Theory & Philosophy on 12. Aug, 2008 | 575CommentsWhy+Do+People+Hate+Titanic%3F2008-08-12+20%3A19%3A14The+Gimcracker

Pop Aversion Theory™
That’s why.
Let me tell you about a new theory that is blowing the minds of scientists and philosophizers ’round the globe. It’s called Pop Aversion Theory™ (PAT™) and it was discovered by the same great mind that brought us Reference Burst Theory™. Mine.
I recently took a movie compatibility quiz on Facebook because I [...]

I FIAL IN LIFE

Posted by The Gimcracker in Blogging, I Can Has Cheezburger, ROFL on 06. Aug, 2008 | 554CommentsI+FIAL+IN+LIFE2008-08-06+18%3A41%3A23The+Gimcracker

I fail because each day I find out about a new thing that I could’ve come up with if I wasn’t too busy wishing I could come up with new stuff. Man that’s recursive.
We all know about LOLcats. Duh. They will always be funny no matter what.

Then someone came up with FAIL and it was [...]

I Used A Mac, And I Liked It

Posted by The Gimcracker in Gimcrackery on 05. Aug, 2008 | 548CommentsI+Used+A+Mac%2C+And+I+Liked+It2008-08-05+13%3A59%3A40The+Gimcracker

I spent all last week in a cabin in the woods stuck using someone else’s Macbook Pro. I have never been a Mac user. I know some of the differences in the OS, but I’ve never learned how to really use one. I have sported a PC since I was 10.
Having to suddenly switch [...]

What Is This Blog Becoming?

Posted by The Gimcracker in Blogging on 04. Aug, 2008 | 545CommentsWhat+Is+This+Blog+Becoming%3F2008-08-04+19%3A22%3A54The+Gimcracker

Um, my last 8 comments were from Alexis, Misser, Allie, Nicole, Dani, Jordyn, Gia, and Maila. What is this, Perez-Hilton? Part of me is saddened, and part of me is secretly happy. Teenyboppers FTW?
What am I saying, I’ll take any traffic I can get. I am a complete sellout. If you are offended by my [...]

Radiohead @ Deer Creek

Posted by The Gimcracker in Music on 04. Aug, 2008 | 517CommentsRadiohead+%40+Deer+Creek2008-08-04+18%3A53%3A09The+Gimcracker

Yes I called it Deer Creek. And the Colts play in the Hoosier Dome, FYI. Plus I still don’t recognize Mizzoora.
This is the first time I have ever seen Radiohead. We were in the pavilion, but we might as well have been in the lawn because of how far back we were. I have never [...]

Top Fiver: TheSixtyOne Bands

Posted by The Gimcracker in Music, Top Fivers on 25. Jul, 2008 | 509CommentsTop+Fiver%3A+TheSixtyOne+Bands2008-07-25+20%3A51%3A11The+Gimcracker

TheSixtyOne has held me in its musical grip since January and it doesn’t look to be letting go any time soon. I’ve already tried to explain to you why it’s so good. Let me see if I can put it another way in an attempt to lure you into the all-consuming fire.
You know how [...]

Here’s A Confusing Blog Post

Posted by The Gimcracker in Blogging on 23. Jul, 2008 | 494CommentsHere%27s+A+Confusing+Blog+Post2008-07-23+19%3A21%3A27The+Gimcracker

I got a pingback on my Katy Perry vs. Zooey Deschanel post from an indie music blog entitled Radio Exile. After reading the article, I was a little confused.
Why don’t you take a gander at the article and see for yourself? From what I’ve been able to gather the author is trying to refute the [...]

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April: I cracked up reading your blog post so in that way the movie wasn't all bad. Maybe Michael Bay wanted to...
Christopher: I love when the video says, "It was the real world!" (1:32)… because…...
Mister Andy: They're easy to differentiate. In any given pair of pictures, Katy is the slutty/trashy one, and...
adriankolbo: man, who would have thought he would do such a straight up thriller/horror flick. definitely going to...
Sheridan: zooey has bright blue eyes and kate doesn't
Jesse: the thing about 10 percent is, (and you know this) it's probably not 10 percent. It's probably...
Tim: Deal!
April: Don't Crap on the App!
Tim: Bri Bri, Sherlock Holmes looks amazing. I almost don't want to risk seeing the actual movie because the...
Sally: I could only tell because of the clothes, though.