The Gimcrack Miscellany

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – BERATED!

Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 26. Jun, 2009 | 1267Comments2009-06-26+16%3A44%3A28The+Gimcracker

Michael Bay is a 15 year old boy trapped in a man’s body (and in the ’90s). He gets older, his movies stay the same age. I don’t know why I keep seeing his movies. I guess it is because when I was 15 I saw The Rock and it rocked (sorry) my 15-year-old little brain that desired nothing but violence/sex/wreckage/fast cars and had no time for character development, real-life situations, or dialogue. At the risk of sounding pretentious, Revenge of the Fallen is for one of two groups: A) 15 year old boys (or anyone with the mental capacity of a 15 year old boy), and B) people who are willing to forgo their dignity to publicly oggle over Megan Fox and Isabel Lucas for 2 hours (actually this is just another way of describing group A).

If you refer to the image I have conveniently included above, you will see a snapshot of exactly what this movie is: Shia is intense and scared, Megan is slightly less intense and scared and her breasts are half exposed, and they are surrounded by wreckage and GM cars. If that is what you want out of life then GO SEE THIS MOVIE RIGHT NOW WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! Also when you’re done seeing Transformers rent the movie Idiocracy and tell me if you “get it” or not. You won’t.

People Are Beginning To Agree That Twitter Is Dumb

I read an interesting article called Orphaned Tweets about the large number of people that sign up for Twitter, post one tweet, and never return. Well good golly I’m not the only one then. Two interesting statements from the article are “10 percent of Twitter users account for 90 percent of the tweets” and “60 percent of users do not return from one month to the next”. Both facts are alarming and here’s why.

Seriously, Multigrain Cheerios?!

Have you seen one of the worst commercials on television yet? It’s a married couple in a kitchen that looks like it’s from a mental institution (because it’s all white washed and because the people in it are mentally insane) talking about Multigrain Cheerios. As in the majority of commercials these days, the wife comes off as much smarter than her bumbling, stammering husband. It’s not the wife’s behavior that is the problem, it is the husband’s.

It is a husband’s responsibility to zing his wife back. If he doesn’t, the ensuing relationship is his own fault. However if my wife ever smiled at me as condescendingly as the woman in this commercial I would probably throw up all my lunches from the past 4 days straight into her little bowl of soggy oat rings. It literally makes me gag just watching it. It makes me GOL (that’s a real thing starting now).

I Am A Big Fan Of Gabriel Delahaye

I already know of one Gabe who is really funny on the Internet, and that’s the one who writes for Penny Arcade. Surely there can’t be two Gabes who are really funny on the Internet. Well I have found a second Gabe who is even better than the first one. He is my favorite person in all of the Internet/TV/Movies/Culture/All this month.

Let me begin by introducing you to him in a way that will immediately show you what he’s all about. That way you can watch this first video and decide if A) you agree with me and want to find out more by reading the rest of the post and commenting about how much you agree, or B) you don’t agree and you don’t feel like wasting your time. Most bloggers wouldn’t be so courteous as to help you with major Internet decisions like this. TMG’s a little different. A special different.

5 Best Uses Of Music In A Commercial

You know how the taste of something is like 50% based on smell, and communication is like 90% based on your body language? Well I submit that commercials are 100% based on the background music.

The genius ad agencies are the ones that grab your attention. It’s hard to grab peoples’ attention using visuals since most people look away during the commercials, plus the fact that we’re constantly barraged with visuals as we’re watching TV, so our eyes become used to constant stimulus.

5 Annoying Comedy Character Clichés

There’s nothing worse than a cliché. They were obviously invented for a good reason. Sometimes you don’t feel like explaining something the old-fashioned way, such as using logic and meaningful words, so it’s easier to just use a cliché.

The problem is people use clichés much too frequently, causing them to A) lose their poignancy and B) get really annoying. Even the word cliché has become a cliché, which has caused a recursive lapse in the time-space continuum – similar to what would happen if you were to make two mirrors reflect each other. Thank goodness no one has ever tried that.

Even more annoying than clichéd words and phrases are film elements, such as plot lines, endings, actors, and characters. Today we will focus on the latter.

Katy Perry Looks Like Zooey Deschanel

Remember that broad who Kissed A Girl? Also remember that girl from The Happening? Well if you haven’t figured it out by now, they look exactly alike. And I’m the first one who pointed it out.

Click this post to play a little game where I’ve included a picture of each person and labeled them A and B. Your job is to figure out which is which. This is a new type of game semantic that I’ve created which you have probably never seen before, so if you get confused just read the comments.

It is sad that this post is the reason my blog has had so many visits over the last year. Whoa whoa, hold on there. I didn’t say I regret writing it.

Recently Added

How Bad Is A Frappuccino®?

Posted by The Gimcracker in Gimcrackery on 23. Sep, 2008 | 753CommentsHow+Bad+Is+A+Frappuccino%26reg%3B%3F2008-09-23+16%3A51%3A42The+Gimcracker

I was recently horrified to find out that someone I know drinks a Frappuccino every day. I don’t think there is a worse thing you could drink. It’s one of the best-tasting drinks around, but consequently it’s one of the least healthy.
I was a barista for 4 years and I made plenty of Frappucino-like drinks [...]

What Is Wrong With This Picture?

Posted by The Gimcracker in News, Stuff On The Internet on 18. Sep, 2008 | 735CommentsWhat+Is+Wrong+With+This+Picture%3F2008-09-18+16%3A41%3A45The+Gimcracker

That’s a screenshot of Digg at around 11:00 AM on 9/18/08. What is wrong with that picture? You don’t have to look very close.

8 of the top 10 stories are anti-McCain/Palin and pro Obama. Why do I still read Digg? Oh that’s right, because it’s the best thing ever created, despite all the political articles. [...]

Cats Are Funny. Here’s Proof.

Posted by The Gimcracker in I Can Has Cheezburger, ROFL on 16. Sep, 2008 | 698CommentsCats+Are+Funny.+Here%27s+Proof.2008-09-16+20%3A49%3A01The+Gimcracker

Well my cat Remy just caught and killed a bird. She’s Basement Cat because she’s all black, so what did you expect? My wife flipped out because Remy was trying to revive the dead bird so she could play with it more, and occasionally she would look up at us with white feathers all around [...]

DeSean Jackson: Talented Idiot

Posted by The Gimcracker in Fail, Sports on 16. Sep, 2008 | 712CommentsDeSean+Jackson%3A+Talented+Idiot2008-09-16+13%3A00%3A05The+Gimcracker

In case you missed the Monday Night Football game last night between Philly and Dallas, I’d like to show you something.
First of all, the game was amazing, and I don’t regret how tired I am this morning due to watching the entire game.
Secondly, I hate Terrell Owens. He was the only player that [...]

Jim Mora & Christian Lander: They’ve Got Something In Common

Posted by The Gimcracker in News, Sports on 04. Sep, 2008 | 688Comments2008-09-04+19%3A59%3A02The+Gimcracker

TV and football, that’s what.
There’s a new Coors Light press conference commercial tonight during the opening game of the NFL, featuring Jim Mora. Hopefully it will be as funny as his first one:

Also, if you’re like me and you read Stuff White People Like, I’ve got some news for you. The author, Christian Lander, is [...]

5 Most Annoying Cars

Posted by The Gimcracker in Gimcrackery, Top Fivers on 02. Sep, 2008 | 659Comments5+Most+Annoying+Cars2008-09-02+20%3A41%3A15The+Gimcracker

It’s a well known fact that during the course of a lifetime the average human spends about 42 years in the car. 99% of that time consists of driving in heavy traffic, which means there are other vehicles all around you. Most of these vehicles are decent. There are some cars on the road, however, [...]

5 Non-Super Powers I Wish I Had

Posted by The Gimcracker in Gimcrackery, Theory & Philosophy, Top Fivers on 28. Aug, 2008 | 632Comments5+Non-Super+Powers+I+Wish+I+Had2008-08-28+14%3A46%3A04The+Gimcracker

I’m always thinking about the super powers I wish I had. Would it be better to fly or be invisible? Duh, fly. If you said invisible you’re one of three things: a) a thief, b) a cheater, or c) a depressed recluse. Think about it, if you could fly you would never have to pay [...]

Another Space Video

Posted by The Gimcracker in Amazing, Science on 19. Aug, 2008 | 626CommentsAnother+Space+Video2008-08-19+18%3A07%3A14The+Gimcracker

I can’t help it, I am intrigued by things that may seem pointless or boring to you. For instance I love telling people that there are more possible chess game outcomes than atoms in the universe. I usually get one of two responses to that:

“Your life saddens me.”
“That’s impossible. Your life saddens me.”

It only [...]

Office Graphs

Posted by The Gimcracker in I Can Has Cheezburger, ROFL on 18. Aug, 2008 | 614CommentsOffice+Graphs2008-08-18+14%3A55%3A44The+Gimcracker

Here are some office graphs that some people have sent me in response to the ones I posted.

by Phil

by Jonathan

by Chris
Tell them what you think in the comments. I really like “How Princess Leia And I Are Different”.

Probability of Princess Whereabouts

Posted by The Gimcracker in I Can Has Cheezburger, ROFL on 14. Aug, 2008 | 607CommentsProbability+of+Princess+Whereabouts2008-08-14+16%3A48%3A26The+Gimcracker

My fourth attempt.
*UPDATE*
Check it out, this graph made it to the front page of Graph Jam:

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April: I cracked up reading your blog post so in that way the movie wasn't all bad. Maybe Michael Bay wanted to...
Christopher: I love when the video says, "It was the real world!" (1:32)… because…...
Mister Andy: They're easy to differentiate. In any given pair of pictures, Katy is the slutty/trashy one, and...
adriankolbo: man, who would have thought he would do such a straight up thriller/horror flick. definitely going to...
Sheridan: zooey has bright blue eyes and kate doesn't
Jesse: the thing about 10 percent is, (and you know this) it's probably not 10 percent. It's probably...
Tim: Deal!
April: Don't Crap on the App!
Tim: Bri Bri, Sherlock Holmes looks amazing. I almost don't want to risk seeing the actual movie because the...
Sally: I could only tell because of the clothes, though.