The Gimcrack Miscellany

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – BERATED!

Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 26. Jun, 2009 | 1267Comments2009-06-26+16%3A44%3A28The+Gimcracker

Michael Bay is a 15 year old boy trapped in a man’s body (and in the ’90s). He gets older, his movies stay the same age. I don’t know why I keep seeing his movies. I guess it is because when I was 15 I saw The Rock and it rocked (sorry) my 15-year-old little brain that desired nothing but violence/sex/wreckage/fast cars and had no time for character development, real-life situations, or dialogue. At the risk of sounding pretentious, Revenge of the Fallen is for one of two groups: A) 15 year old boys (or anyone with the mental capacity of a 15 year old boy), and B) people who are willing to forgo their dignity to publicly oggle over Megan Fox and Isabel Lucas for 2 hours (actually this is just another way of describing group A).

If you refer to the image I have conveniently included above, you will see a snapshot of exactly what this movie is: Shia is intense and scared, Megan is slightly less intense and scared and her breasts are half exposed, and they are surrounded by wreckage and GM cars. If that is what you want out of life then GO SEE THIS MOVIE RIGHT NOW WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! Also when you’re done seeing Transformers rent the movie Idiocracy and tell me if you “get it” or not. You won’t.

People Are Beginning To Agree That Twitter Is Dumb

I read an interesting article called Orphaned Tweets about the large number of people that sign up for Twitter, post one tweet, and never return. Well good golly I’m not the only one then. Two interesting statements from the article are “10 percent of Twitter users account for 90 percent of the tweets” and “60 percent of users do not return from one month to the next”. Both facts are alarming and here’s why.

Seriously, Multigrain Cheerios?!

Have you seen one of the worst commercials on television yet? It’s a married couple in a kitchen that looks like it’s from a mental institution (because it’s all white washed and because the people in it are mentally insane) talking about Multigrain Cheerios. As in the majority of commercials these days, the wife comes off as much smarter than her bumbling, stammering husband. It’s not the wife’s behavior that is the problem, it is the husband’s.

It is a husband’s responsibility to zing his wife back. If he doesn’t, the ensuing relationship is his own fault. However if my wife ever smiled at me as condescendingly as the woman in this commercial I would probably throw up all my lunches from the past 4 days straight into her little bowl of soggy oat rings. It literally makes me gag just watching it. It makes me GOL (that’s a real thing starting now).

I Am A Big Fan Of Gabriel Delahaye

I already know of one Gabe who is really funny on the Internet, and that’s the one who writes for Penny Arcade. Surely there can’t be two Gabes who are really funny on the Internet. Well I have found a second Gabe who is even better than the first one. He is my favorite person in all of the Internet/TV/Movies/Culture/All this month.

Let me begin by introducing you to him in a way that will immediately show you what he’s all about. That way you can watch this first video and decide if A) you agree with me and want to find out more by reading the rest of the post and commenting about how much you agree, or B) you don’t agree and you don’t feel like wasting your time. Most bloggers wouldn’t be so courteous as to help you with major Internet decisions like this. TMG’s a little different. A special different.

5 Best Uses Of Music In A Commercial

You know how the taste of something is like 50% based on smell, and communication is like 90% based on your body language? Well I submit that commercials are 100% based on the background music.

The genius ad agencies are the ones that grab your attention. It’s hard to grab peoples’ attention using visuals since most people look away during the commercials, plus the fact that we’re constantly barraged with visuals as we’re watching TV, so our eyes become used to constant stimulus.

5 Annoying Comedy Character Clichés

There’s nothing worse than a cliché. They were obviously invented for a good reason. Sometimes you don’t feel like explaining something the old-fashioned way, such as using logic and meaningful words, so it’s easier to just use a cliché.

The problem is people use clichés much too frequently, causing them to A) lose their poignancy and B) get really annoying. Even the word cliché has become a cliché, which has caused a recursive lapse in the time-space continuum – similar to what would happen if you were to make two mirrors reflect each other. Thank goodness no one has ever tried that.

Even more annoying than clichéd words and phrases are film elements, such as plot lines, endings, actors, and characters. Today we will focus on the latter.

Katy Perry Looks Like Zooey Deschanel

Remember that broad who Kissed A Girl? Also remember that girl from The Happening? Well if you haven’t figured it out by now, they look exactly alike. And I’m the first one who pointed it out.

Click this post to play a little game where I’ve included a picture of each person and labeled them A and B. Your job is to figure out which is which. This is a new type of game semantic that I’ve created which you have probably never seen before, so if you get confused just read the comments.

It is sad that this post is the reason my blog has had so many visits over the last year. Whoa whoa, hold on there. I didn’t say I regret writing it.

Recently Added

‘Indiana Jones 4′: Epic Disappointment The Likes Of ‘Phantom Menace’

Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 27. May, 2008 | 375Comments2008-05-27+14%3A27%3A18The+Gimcracker

I don’t know what it is with George Lucas and terrible rehashes of once-untarnished film sagas. Everything he touches nowadays turns to dust. If you choose to see a Lucas film, you have chosen poorly. Maybe my brother put it best when he told me “I knew George Lucas had changed forever when he modified [...]

The Sixty One Tips: How To Bump A ‘Revive’ Song

Posted by The Gimcracker in Music, Stuff On The Internet on 22. May, 2008 | 373Comments2008-05-22+16%3A00%3A38The+Gimcracker

With the release of the new unlocks on The Sixty One, there are a lot of people trying to bump old songs. Why? Because the newest unlock is called Lewis & Clark, and it requires you to bump songs in under-explored genres (classical, blues, country, hip-hop, jazz, r&b, reggae). Seeing as how I only care [...]

Funny Mac Bashing

Posted by The Gimcracker in ROFL on 22. May, 2008 | 369CommentsFunny+Mac+Bashing2008-05-22+12%3A36%3A02The+Gimcracker

We’ve all been watching for a few years while Mac bashes PC on the (sometimes) funny TV spots. I enjoy them. They’re better than local car dealership commercials, but not quite as funny as the referee training Bud Light commercial.
However, I think PC users are just starting to realize that Apple actually thinks it [...]

Indianapolis To Host 2012 Super Bowl

Posted by The Gimcracker in News, Sports on 20. May, 2008 | 366CommentsIndianapolis+To+Host+2012+Super+Bowl2008-05-20+15%3A52%3A24The+Gimcracker

You heard it here first!
It’s not even on ESPN.com yet, so I can’t give you any other details other than I have received confirmation that we have won the 2012 Super Bowl bid for sure!
GO COLTS!!!

*Update*
More info here and here

MANtage

Posted by The Gimcracker in Manliness, ROFL on 20. May, 2008 | 365CommentsMANtage2008-05-20+12%3A57%3A09The+Gimcracker

This is a simple, short instructional video on what it means to be a man. I want you to notice that Mario Bros. is mentioned. Now when my wife asks me why I play Mario 3 so often in my garage, I can direct her to this video and tell it it’s cause I’m a [...]

Prince Caspian

Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 20. May, 2008 | 362CommentsPrince+Caspian2008-05-20+14%3A18%3A03The+Gimcracker

This movie scared me because I thought for a bit that I was not going to like it. Then I found myself trying to make myself like it, which only made me dislike it more. But in the end I was pleasantly surprised as to how well it was able to turn itself around.
So far, [...]

Hypermilers = Stupid Drivers

Posted by The Gimcracker in Gimcrackery, Theory & Philosophy on 19. May, 2008 | 360CommentsHypermilers+%3D+Stupid+Drivers2008-05-19+16%3A33%3A37The+Gimcracker

On my daily web surf I came across this disturbing article. It details a guy who lives for hypermiling, which is a method of increasing your car’s gas mileage by making skillful changes in the way you drive, allowing you to save gas and thereby have an easier time withstanding the rising oil and gas [...]

‘Iron Man’ Irons Wrinkles Out Of Brain

Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 19. May, 2008 | 358Comments2008-05-19+14%3A36%3A37The+Gimcracker

That title is meant to be taken in a good way, although taken negatively it also aptly describes the movie. Iron Man is about the beginnings of a super hero: how the cockiest guy on Earth is convicted with the duty of saving humanity from an evil corporation that he helped build. He has no [...]

Wall-Painted Animation

Posted by The Gimcracker in Amazing on 16. May, 2008 | 357CommentsWall-Painted+Animation2008-05-16+10%3A39%3A14The+Gimcracker

People say what I’m about to say a lot, but in 13 months of blogging and 120 posts I have never said it. I’ve said similar things, but I haven’t made the following over-generalizing, cliched, oft-exaggerated blanket statement until today:

This is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.

You must suffer through two more paragraphs of fan-boy [...]

6 Reasons SNL Is Still Funny

Posted by The Gimcracker in ROFL, Television on 13. May, 2008 | 356Comments6+Reasons+SNL+Is+Still+Funny2008-05-13+16%3A34%3A46The+Gimcracker

Thanks to Hulu I can demonstrate for you first hand why Saturday Night Live is as funny as ever. These are ranked from really funny to extremely funny, and I tried to include a nice mixture of sketches, Digital Shorts, and fake commercials for your enjoyment. If these videos make you laugh, check out the [...]

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April: I cracked up reading your blog post so in that way the movie wasn't all bad. Maybe Michael Bay wanted to...
Christopher: I love when the video says, "It was the real world!" (1:32)… because…...
Mister Andy: They're easy to differentiate. In any given pair of pictures, Katy is the slutty/trashy one, and...
adriankolbo: man, who would have thought he would do such a straight up thriller/horror flick. definitely going to...
Sheridan: zooey has bright blue eyes and kate doesn't
Jesse: the thing about 10 percent is, (and you know this) it's probably not 10 percent. It's probably...
Tim: Deal!
April: Don't Crap on the App!
Tim: Bri Bri, Sherlock Holmes looks amazing. I almost don't want to risk seeing the actual movie because the...
Sally: I could only tell because of the clothes, though.