The Gimcrack Miscellany

I’m Afraid Of Cephalopods

Posted on 25. Apr, 2008 by The Gimcracker in Gimcrackery, Science

Ever since I can remember I’ve had a real fear of the following things (from least to greatest):

• 1. Voids
• 2. Cephalopods

While you’re glaring at me for using a big word that I obviously found on Wikipedia, let me touch on #1.

Voids frighten me. Remember ‘The Nothing’ from The Neverending Story? That was my first encounter with this fear. The best way I can describe it is a large, empty, dark space. The best example of a void is a cave entrance, specifically a Blue Hole:

A Blue Hole is a huge sink hole that got submerged and filled with water when the Ice Age ended. The one in these pictures is over 300 feet wide and 400 feet deep. There’s one in The Bahama’s that goes down 663 feet. That scares me.

But what genuinely frightens me more than anything else is a large cephalopod – specifically an octopus or a giant squid. I can deal with my fear of voids. I can go inside a cave as long as it has previously been explored and I’m with at least 2 other people with 2 other flashlights. But you’ll never catch me anywhere near a giant squid – alive or dead. Especially in a void.

Perhaps these pictures will say a thousand words:

That last one might not be an actual photo per se, but I bet that really happened. A lot of people are scared of spiders. A lot of other people are scared of the deep ocean. Well guess what? Squid are basically huge spiders that live in the deep ocean. And they can kill sharks. Gah!

If you’re not convinced, listen to these frightening facts about squid and octopuses:

• Squid can get up to 66 feet long
• Squid have the largest eyes of any living creature – over 1 foot in diameter
• Octopuses have three hearts
• Octopuses and squid are highly intelligent
• Octopuses can detach their own limbs which will crawl around and distract a predator

I can barely even write about this. Octopuses and squid are invertebrate, which means they can flatten their bodies and fit through small spaces. Apparently you can’t really have them as pets because with the combination of their intelligence and ability to fit through small gaps they usually end up breaking out of aquariums. Just look at this octopus escaping an aquarium through a thin crack:

And then watch this video of an octopus escaping a glass cage through a 1 inch hole:

I don’t know what it is, but I am petrified of giant squid. The following image is the most frightening image I have ever laid eyes upon. Just drink it in and tell me it doesn’t freak you out:

Look at the eyes! LOOK AT THEM! What IS that? Now imagine coming face to face with that monster in a Blue Hole.

One more thing I came across that is going on my list is Abyssal Gigantism. It’s the tendency for deep-sea dwelling animals to display a larger size than their shallow-water counterparts. Look at this little gem:

*shutter*