The Gimcrack Miscellany

Colts Rout Ravens; Fans Respond: ‘Duh’

Posted on 10. Dec, 2007 by The Gimcracker in Sports

The real story was Gonzalez, pictured above as only a torso. Believe me when I say, however, that he actually does have legs, and they easily carried him past second stringer Pittman, who was eventually pulled from the game due to his poor performance.

I have two things to say in response to this game.

1) Baltimore: stop giving us crap about the Colts moving to Indianapolis a million years ago. What do you want from me? Do you want me to say I’m sorry? Ok sure, I’ll get right on that – as soon as you apologize for slavery and wiping out the Indians, for which you’re equally responsible.

Teams move all the time, players move all the ime, coaches move all the time. Do you know why? Money. Do you think the NFL exists primarily for our enjoyment? If your answer is yes, then don’t ever come back to The Gimcrack Miscellany because I don’t want to get your germs. Frankly, after last night’s performance, it’s about time the Ravens move on as well. I know it sounds harsh, but God does not want Baltimore to have a football team.

2) New England: Did you seriously almost get beat by Baltimore last week? Any team that pretty much loses to a team that we completely vaporize the next week is not a team that I’m afraid of. I can’t wait to see you in the playoffs.

Here are a few nuggets of goodness from last night:

Indianapolis scored 14 points in the first 6 minutes. Baltimore had 7 points in the first 30 minutes, and it wasn’t even scored by their offense.

Indy had a 30 point lead at half time. At this point, Kyle Boller was 5-for-8 passing and had 17 total yards. That means at half time we had more than twice as many points as Kyle Boller had total yards. At this point, the only thing left to do was run the clock down for the entire second half.

Our best receiver wasn’t in the game. Manning still threw 4 touchdown passes. And made a commercial during a time out.

Our best pass rusher wasn’t in the game. Boller was still sacked 4 times. And threw 3 interceptions. And lost a fumble.

Ray Lewis cried softly to himself on the way home while eating a bowl of Campbell’s Chunky.

Up next: @ Oakland Raiders, who were walloped today by Green Bay (38-7).

I’ll leave you with my favorite highlight from this week, partly because this guy is on my fantasy team, and partly because it’s the best run I’ve seen this year. Watch the Jets try to tackle Jamal Lewis. Specifically, watch number 25 – that last Jet to touch him. How did he not tackle him? I can hear the joke now, how many Jets does it take to tackle Jamal Lewis…

I couldn’t find one to embed with the original audio, so here’s the link to the original replay, or you can watch it below with the added soundtrack: