Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – BERATED!
Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 26. Jun, 2009 | Comments
Michael Bay is a 15 year old boy trapped in a man’s body (and in the ’90s). He gets older, his movies stay the same age. I don’t know why I keep seeing his movies. I guess it is because when I was 15 I saw The Rock and it rocked (sorry) my 15-year-old little brain that desired nothing but violence/sex/wreckage/fast cars and had no time for character development, real-life situations, or dialogue. At the risk of sounding pretentious, Revenge of the Fallen is for one of two groups: A) 15 year old boys (or anyone with the mental capacity of a 15 year old boy), and B) people who are willing to forgo their dignity to publicly oggle over Megan Fox and Isabel Lucas for 2 hours (actually this is just another way of describing group A).
If you refer to the image I have conveniently included above, you will see a snapshot of exactly what this movie is: Shia is intense and scared, Megan is slightly less intense and scared and her breasts are half exposed, and they are surrounded by wreckage and GM cars. If that is what you want out of life then GO SEE THIS MOVIE RIGHT NOW WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! Also when you’re done seeing Transformers rent the movie Idiocracy and tell me if you “get it” or not. You won’t.
The Dark Knight
Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 21. Jul, 2008 | Comments
It stars an unlikely actor as “The Joker” who’s accidental death came just before filming was to wrap up. It’s a 2.5+ hour comic book movie spawned from the same franchise that contains filth like Batman & Robin. It had to compete with such summer action blockbusters as Wanted, Hellboy II, and Hancock.
It shattered 5 [...]
‘Indiana Jones 4′: Epic Disappointment The Likes Of ‘Phantom Menace’
Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 27. May, 2008 | Comments
I don’t know what it is with George Lucas and terrible rehashes of once-untarnished film sagas. Everything he touches nowadays turns to dust. If you choose to see a Lucas film, you have chosen poorly. Maybe my brother put it best when he told me “I knew George Lucas had changed forever when he modified [...]
Prince Caspian
Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 20. May, 2008 | Comments
This movie scared me because I thought for a bit that I was not going to like it. Then I found myself trying to make myself like it, which only made me dislike it more. But in the end I was pleasantly surprised as to how well it was able to turn itself around.
So far, [...]
‘Iron Man’ Irons Wrinkles Out Of Brain
Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 19. May, 2008 | Comments
That title is meant to be taken in a good way, although taken negatively it also aptly describes the movie. Iron Man is about the beginnings of a super hero: how the cockiest guy on Earth is convicted with the duty of saving humanity from an evil corporation that he helped build. He has no [...]
American Gangster
Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 21. Apr, 2008 | Comments
American Gangster is one of those movies that I wish I didn’t love. It’s not particularly edifying and it contains a lot of nudity. At least it wasn’t Eastern Promises nudity, and for that I’m thankful.
It’s the true story of a self-made 1970s drug lord who rose to the top and fell right back down [...]
3:10 To Yuma
Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 28. Mar, 2008 | Comments
You don’t see westerns too often these days. The last good western I saw was Tombstone, and each time I re-watch it on TV (pretty much once a week), I realize how fast it’s climbing up the ranks of my favorite re-watchable films of all time.
Naturally, every western I see is/will be compared to Tombstone, [...]
Dan In Real Life
Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 24. Mar, 2008 | Comments
Dan In Real Life wasn’t the film I was expecting. I was expecting Stranger Than Fiction and I got The Family Stone mixed with Little Miss Sunshine. Although somewhat thrown off at first, I came to realize I liked it because it was nowhere near as excruciatingly frustrating as The Family Stone or awkward as [...]
Cloverfield vs. I Am Legend
Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies, Reference Burst Theory on 28. Jan, 2008 | Comments
A few weeks ago I saw a little film – don’t know if you’ve heard of it – called I Am Legend. It was good. Dang good. Yesterday I saw another movie called Cloverfield. It was better. Dang better. And that’s saying a lot because I Am Legend got at least a 2/10 Berating (soon [...]
Casino Royale: Best New Bond Yet
Posted by The Gimcracker in Beratings, Movies on 18. Dec, 2007 | Comments
I really enjoyed Casino Royale and let me tell you why. I got really tired of the Pierce Brosnan flicks which got progressively worse and worse. The franchise needed new life, and a new bond was the ticket. It’s sort of like the Batman pictures which started out great but declined rapidly until we were [...]
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