The Gimcrack Miscellany » Entertainmental

Inception Berated, Plus Some Really Bad Movies Berated To Balance It Out

The Gimcracker — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 14:52:06 +0000

The Good

I knew it would be good! I knew it! Some people hated it. However, A lot of other, smarter people raved about it. I for one am raving about it. Here’s the thing, I’m sort of tired of logically defining every aspect of life. What am I, a scientist? Don’t get me wrong, me and logic are like peas and carrots, but peas also have another cooler friend called mashed potatoes, and mashed potatoes represent feelings and emotions. Sometimes I discard logic for feelings, and that’s what I’m doing with Inception.

Here’s the recipe for Inception: start with The Matrix (everyone’s saying it, but it’s true), one of the all-time greatest films, and extract the feeling it gave you. That wonderful, overwhelming sci-fi-ish feeling. Put that in a mixing bowl and add in a generous helping of plot holes, Minority Report, a tablespoon of Vanilla Sky, a dash of Dark City, and the dark atmosphere of The Dark Knight (so much dark!). Bake that and eat it, and then you will fall asleep and have a good dream about a movie called Inception, which is about dreams-within-dreams-within-dreams. Sweet dreams!

I really need to see it again because it leaves lots of stuff hidden between the lines, plus it has that paradoxical element that time travel films often possess, and when I tried to think about it too hard my brain started to hurt. Maybe that’s because someone was in there last night inceptifying too many ideas at once. This movie was completely original and not based on any previous stories. I’m so sick of remakes and this was surprisingly refreshing simply because it was a brand new work of fiction. Christopher Nolan is awesome! Other people who are awesome: all of the actors in this film (minus Mal, she was depressing).

Some of my favorite parts of Inception are the whole dream-within-a-dream thing (did anyone else guess they were in a dream-within-a-dream in the first scene like I did? Count it!), the idea of “kicks”, all of the visual effects, the never-done-before zero-gravity hallway fight scene, and the awesome score by Hans Zimmer (wow!). Just check out this brief clip from the soundtrack:

The Bad

The problem with this film is that it might be too smart for some people. I realized it’s not the smartest movie ever to come out, but it’s a Hollywood summer blockbuster, which means it is being released amidst such generic and most assuredly dumb films as The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, The Last Airbender, and Salt, to name a few. The good news is those three films I just listed got terrible reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, while Inception got rave reviews, so maybe this isn’t such a bad thing. Still, I know there are a lot of people out there who just won’t be able to follow what is going on in Inception, and thus will say “it’s stupid”. Ha. OK.

There are two glaring problems that I noticed in this film. First off and superficially, all the action scenes in the Alpine third-layer dream were really annoying. They weren’t well done and they lasted far too long. Secondly, and this one’s more important to me, the dreams just weren’t, well, “dreamy” enough. Everyone had dreams of regular places and regular people doing regular things. Sure, in one of the dreams a Paris city street folded on top of itself, but if you think about it, that’s not really as ridiculous as the stuff we actually dream about. What I’m trying to say is, you know how you have dreams that sound retarded when you tell them to people? Why didn’t any of the people in Inception have retarded dreams? Everything made sense. That was sort of weird to me. I guess maybe the whole film might not have made sense otherwise, right? Still part of “The Bad” section for me.

The Beratings

Acting – No Beratings. Joseph Gordon Levitt (3rd Rock From The Sun kid) and Ellen Page (Juno chick) are superb supporting actors, and obviously Leo was amazing, as he always is.

Plot – No Beratings. It was totally original and awesome.

Inconsistencies – 1 Berating. These people are dreaming, so why aren’t their dreams screwed up like mine? Also, if they were floating in dream layer 2, why not in dream layer 3?

Unbelievable Events – No Beratings. Since everything happens in the subconscious, nothing is really that unbelievable. Brilliant!

Semantics – No Beratings. If I gave half beratings, I would give one here since the snow action scenes were really annoying, but alas, I don’t.

1/10 Beratings = See it the first weekend

The Berating Scale
0/10 Stand in line for the very first showing
» 1/10 See it the first weekend
2/10 See it at full price
3/10 See it at the Five-Buck-Club
4/10 See it at the dollar-fifty
5/10 See it OnDemand
6/10 Rent it from Blockbuster
7/10 Watch it on TV
8/10 Watch it purely for spousal points
9/10 Never watch it
10/10 Buy it and publicly destroy it

Here’s Some Not-So-Good Movies I’ve Seen Recently To Balance Things Out

The Hurt Locker: 5/10 Beratings

Depressing, no new territory (ANOTHER war movie…*sigh*), nothing really even happened. They’re dismantling bombs. So what.

The Blind Side: 5/10 Beratings

Totally cliched, seen it a million times, not great acting, I don’t really believe that’s how it happened at all. In a word, “Hollywood-ized”. Is that a word?

Invention of Lying: 6/10 Beratings

Thought it was going to be funny. There were maybe 2 funny scenes. Terribly disappointing. Plus, maybe a little blasphemous, depending on your mood…

Twilight: New Moon: 7/10 Beratings

I have no ill-feelings toward the Twilight series. It was not a good movie at all, but I completely see how its audience enjoyed the heck out of it. I’m just not its audience.

Alice In Wonderland: 7/10 Beratings

Why didn’t they just make this movie 100% computer animated instead of 98%? Way too outlandish, over-acted, un-inspiring, and nonsensical. I need at least a little substance in a film. This had zero substance.

The Men Who Stare At Goats: 8/10 Beratings

I don’t even need to explain why this sucked. Everyone who saw it agrees with me. Those who haven’t seen it are lucky.

Confessions of a Shopaholic: 9/10 Beratings

This is the biggest rip-off of a movie I’ve ever seen since Transmorphers. The movie it’s clearly ripping off is The Devil Wears Prada, which is a great film. This, however, ABSOLUTELY SUCKED. It might be in the running for my next installment of “Top 5er: Blacklisted Films”.

Zach Galifianakis & Robert Downey Jr. In A Film Together!

The Gimcracker — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 13:06:33 +0000

It’s like saying a Volcano Taco and a Gyro are in the same meal together! Only because they’re both really good, not because the food bears any resemblance to the aforementioned actors. Speaking of, that should be Taco Bell’s next promotional item: The Cheesy Gyro Burrito. Back to the topic: I’m really excited to see this new movie these two guys are in. It’s called Due Date and I think it’s about a road trip or something. Watch the trailer:

I Found Another Person Who Thinks Most Moviegoers Are Dumb!

The Gimcracker — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 18:54:13 +0000

There is a link to an amazing article at the end of this blog post. But, before you click the link, you must agree with the following 8 statements. If you do not agree to all of them – ALL OF THEM – you are not allowed to click the link. I will be watching you as you read the statements and analyze them in your head. I have a plugin which notifies me by IP address when someone accesses my blog, lets me actually see back at them using their computer’s web cam, and then lets me disable the link so they can’t click it. I can usually tell by someone’s facial expression if they agree or disagree with a statement that is made. So, unless you A) don’t have a web cam, or B) have a great poker face, this applies to you. Yes, I went to all that work just to disable a link. That’s how important the topic at hand is. So, do you agree or disagree with the following 8 statements?

I get sick of all the Hollywood blockbusters that are churned out every other week.
I have decided not to pay $10 to go see Transformers 3 when it comes out in theaters and instead wait and see it on DVD, if I even see it at all.
I appreciated at least one of Christopher Nolan’s previous films for being smarter than the average Hollywood blockbuster (Memento, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight).
Critics have said Christopher Nolan’s next film, Inception, might be “too smart” for moviegoers. That fact makes me want to see Inception even more than I already did.
I agree with everything stated in this previous TGM post: Most People Like Terrible Movies
I agree with everything stated in this previous TGM post: Transformers Berated
I agree with everything stated in this previous TGM post: I’m Calling Inception
I hope Michael Bay slips on a stack of his million dollar bills and becomes paralyzed so he can no longer make any films ever. (Seriously, you need to agree with this one. He’s about to make another reboot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. ANOTHER.)

If you agreed with all 8 of those, click on this link and read this awesome article written by someone who actually has good taste in movies. It’s basically an article saying what I’ve been saying all along, except written by an actual smart person who has higher than a 7th grade level of vocabulary. It pretty much bashes Transformers 2 and all other mindless movies like that, and glorifies smart movies like Inception. Here’s a little taste of how good this person is at writing to whet your appetite:

Audiences are a hungry breed. They want to have something to eat every single weekend and studios spend months preparing those meals. Yet, often there is nothing to “digest” at all — there is no substance to the meal, i.e. nothing for an audience member to contemplate later. It simply is what it is: filler, a snack, empty calories. Yet, as much as we complain about fluff films — as most summer blockbusters are — we all flock to the next big blockbuster. Maybe we just don’t know any better?

Here’s the article*

*If you did not agree with all the statements, yet you were able to click that link, then I hope you feel immense shame that grows with each word that you read. I still love you, but it’s called “tough love”, and it’s the only way you’ll learn.

I’m Calling Inception

The Gimcracker — Mon, 24 May 2010 18:46:31 +0000

Once upon a time there was a strange and mysterious trailer for an unknown film called The Matrix. Upon seeing this trailer, something inside me told me it was going to be huge. I would say to people “I can’t wait to see The Matrix! Have you seen the trailer yet?” and no one would know what I was talking about. Then it came out and it turned out I was right and that it was huge. A few years later I saw a preview for a little show called The Office, and the same thing happened again. No one knew what it was or seemed to care, but for some reason I had a feeling about it. Well today I’m officially calling Inception. We’ll see if I’m right, come July 16th. Here is the trailer. Wow.

Shutter Island Berated

The Gimcracker — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:44:05 +0000

Scorsese does it again. While Shutter Island is not about the mob or gangs or Italy or wiseguys or illegal drugs, it still has that Scorsese feel. There are a few common elements carried over from his previous film The Departed, such as Boston accents and Leonardo DiCaprio, but that is where the similarities end. There are only about 10 “f-bombs”, in contrast to the 100+ in his other films. There are 2 violent/bloody scenes, in contrast to the usual 10+ in his other films. An finally, there are 0 crazy, old, tough-guy actors (Robert Deniros, Joe Pescis, and Jack Nicolsons), in contrast to 1+ of his other films. The point is that Martin Scorsese has deviated from the type of film genre he usually dabbles in (quite successfully) to venture into the realm of psychological thriller, and he proves that he is quite skilled in it. I’m hoping for a romantic comedy next, followed by a new installment in the college humor Van Wilder series.

The Good

When I go see a film in this genre, I am aiming to experience that good ol’ frightened feeling. Not the type that makes me jump out of my seat, but the type that runs a little deeper in the “disturbing” department and causes me to intermittently reflect back on the movie over the next week, remembering how disturbing it was and trying not to spoil it for people who haven’t seen it yet. So, how does Mr. Scorsese approach this genre? Take a look at the following elements that he uses in Shutter Island:

A 1950s mental institution
An island with one way on and one way off
A lighthouse
A brewing storm
A German psychiatrist
People smoking cigarettes (aaaaahhh!!!)

How can that movie not be scary? Even if Micheal Bay directed that movie, it would still be scary for at least 1 minute, depending on who composed the music. BURN! Think about it – old mental institutions are just plain scary because you never know what type of weird brain surgeries they’re performing on their patients. An island in the North Atlantic surrounded by 100-foot shear bluffs? Scary. A lighthouse? Scary (see: The Ring). A brewing storm? Adds that element of ominous evil. A German psychiatrist? Seeing as how the Nazis performed all those crazy psychiatric experiments – scary.

So, it is scary. We know that now. But what else was good? Leonardo DiCaprio was very very good. He plays the all-to-familiar character with a troubled past. But it’s what we find out about his past that blows the familiarity away. What really makes this film stand out, however, is the plot. If you haven’t seen it, you probably shouldn’t be reading this blog post anyway, but at least don’t read the next sentence, because even though I’m not saying anything specific about the movie, it will still probably lessen the whole experience for you. Shutter Island is one of those films that you think you have figured out early on, but then it purposely causes you to second guess your initial prediction, and then it makes you go back and forth the rest of the movie. “Oh I know how this ends…”, “Nevermind, I have no idea how this ends…”, “Oh… wait, yep – I know what’s going to happen…”, “Actually, shoot, nope, I think I’m wrong… or am I?” And it makes you do that literally until that last frame of film.

This is definitely one of those movies that you will most definitely have to have conversations about afterwards. You know how people talked about the Spielberg film “A.I.”? Well this will cause some similar discussions. Pay attention to the very last line of dialog that Leonardo DiCaprio says. I know what it means – but did you catch it?

One final word on The Good of Shutter Island (spoiler!): it does such a good job with the insaneness of some of the characters, that a few times I started thinking things like “What if I’m not really sitting here in this chair watching this movie? What if I’m actually insane right now and none of this is real?” And I love that it could do that to me.

The Bad

There was a section of the movie, from about 60% of the way through to about 90% of the way through, that started to lose me. And that’s a big chunk of film. There was so much vague, referential dialog that I started forgetting who was who. I know the purpose was to make you try to figure out what was real and what was imagined, but it went on too long and started to lose some of the audience. It started to lose some of its realism and poignancy for me, and I wish it would have kept us guessing a little bit more. Despite the fact that later in the film we are thrown off the scent again, I don’t like how long of a section of the film I was sitting there sure where it was going to go, and some of the conversations could have been cut in half. The flashbacks started getting a little redundant too. They were all pretty much the same thing, and they were mostly in slow motion, which put me in a different place and made it harder for the film to pull me back in once the flashback was over.

The Beratings

Acting – No Beratings. Leo shines, as do the psychiatrist characters.

Plot – No Beratings. Keeps you guessing, even after you think you guessed the ending.

Inconsistencies – 1 Berating. I’m deducting a point for the 60-90% section of the film I talked about earlier.

Unbelievable Events – No Beratings. The insane factor actually makes everything quite believable.

Semantics – 1 Berating. The flashbacks were too much, enough to merit a berating point.

2/10 Beratings = See it at full price

The Berating Scale
0/10 Stand in line for the very first showing
1/10 See it the first weekend
» 2/10 See it at full price
3/10 See it at the Five-Buck-Club
4/10 See it at the dollar-fifty
5/10 See it OnDemand
6/10 Rent it from Blockbuster
7/10 Watch it on TV
8/10 Watch it purely for spousal points
9/10 Never watch it
10/10 Buy it and publicly destroy it

Nickelback vs. Radiohead (Seriously?!)

The Gimcracker — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 20:58:02 +0000

I have been asked a few times why I hate Nickelback so much. Well, hopefully after writing this blog post I can answer that question in the future by giving the person the URL to this article. Thanks, past self. You’re welcome, future self.

I was in the car today and forgot my iPod, so I had to listen to the radio. I came upon a gem of a song. And by “gem” I mean “turd” and by “song” I mean “homeless man”. It’s called “If Today Was Your Last Day” by Nickelback, and it is one of the worst songs I have ever heard. In fact, the only worse songs I’ve heard have been other Nickelback songs, like the one where he says something about looking at a photograph and he’s asking what the hell was on his friend Jimmy’s head or something like that. I hope you never have to hear it.

Anyway, Nickelback is notorious for writing what are almost universally agreed-upon to be bad bad songs. The song I heard on the radio today was probably the 20th radio single I can think of in the last 2 years from this band. I stopped listening to their songs after “Leader of Men” (good song actually) off their debut album, so I decided to take a listen to the lyrics of their newest “hit”. After finishing the song, I decided that if there was ever a highlight reel of modern idioms, this song would be the soundtrack. Here is the song, and the first two verses written out below it:

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day’s a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

Against the grain should be a way of life
What’s worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts ’cause there’s no second try
So live like you’re never living twice
Don’t take the free ride in your own life

Reason it’s dumb:

Again, yet another stolen idiom. It’s this one: Free Ride.

There you go, not a single original idea presented. There is nothing to debate, and nothing to discuss. Even the chord progression – that cliched, overused, G-D-A progression – has been used a million times before even by Nickelback themselves (see chorus of Nickelback’s “Someday”, and then compare that chorus to Nickelback’s “Savin’ Me”, and THEN try to distinguish all three of these songs in your head – it’s impossible).

I am not trying to be a music elitist here as I will be the first to admit that I like music that true elitists scoff at. But I will say that I draw the line at Nickelback. Let’s look at a true song by a true band. It’s called Pyramid Song by Radiohead. I didn’t choose it because it’s the most complicated and deep song by Radiohead (which it’s not) because that would be an unfair comparison. I chose it 1) because it’s very short and 2) because it randomly came on my iPod when I got back to my desk at work. Here is the song and the full lyrics posted below it:

i jumped in the river and what did I see?
black-eyed angels swimming with me
a moon full of stars and astral cars
all the figures i used to see
all my lovers were there with me
all my past and futures
and we all went to heaven in a little row boat
there was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt

First of all, if you can name the time signature of that song I will be very impressed. Secondly, the song is not preachy at all. It is an eerie story that presents different imagery to different listeners, and it has spurred much debate, as do a lot of other Radiohead songs. Some say the song is about euthanasia, while others say it’s inspired by Dante’s Inferno. And while some of the lines were inspired by or taken from previous works, none of them were based on common idioms, maxims, proverbs, sayings, cliches, or quotes.

This is not to say that you have to like Radiohead’s song and you aren’t allowed to like Nickelback’s song. It is just a comparative example of why I think Radiohead, for instance, is such a better band than Nickelback, and I would even argue that is an objective statement in the world of music (not the world of pop, hollywood, ‘tweens, or money). Radiohead is musically complex, Nickelback is not. Radiohead is lyrically original, Nickelback is not. Radiohead is thought-provoking and inspiring, Nickelback is not. Radiohead is musically diverse, Nickelback is not. Radiohead does not get boo-ed off stage, Nickelback does.

UPDATE***

Here’s proof that Nickelback is unoriginal musically and even copies itself. This video layers How You Remind Me and Someday. They are THE SAME SONG:

How To Balance Video Games & Facebook

The Gimcracker — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 18:20:47 +0000

This video presents a conundrum to me. It attacks the video game industry, which obviously offends me. But it also attacks the social media industry, which fills me with great exuberance. I’m left torn and conflicted, bouncing back and forth between emotions, trying to figure out what my overall reaction is. This does not happen to me. The Gimcracker exists to bust you upside your head with knowledge. It is always my goal to f*** you up with some truth. If you can name what show I just quoted I will friend request you on Facebook and follow you on Twitter immediately. Sike. Watch this video and tell me your reaction. I’d love to hear what you think about it:

Avatar Berated

The Gimcracker — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 16:19:30 +0000

Have you ever been so immersed in a story or character that you forget it is not real? Avatar does that to you. After seeing the film, it’s hard to remember that the blue-skinned alien race called the Na’vi doesn’t actually exist. It’s hard to imagine that Biff from Back To The Future isn’t a jerk in real life. Or that Middle Earth isn’t a real place. It’s because of good film-making that those things are so convincing. If I could sum up Avatar in a single phrase, it wouldn’t be “master storytelling”, “heart-wrenching drama”, “superb characters”, or even “ground-breaking”, it would simply be “superb film-making”. James Cameron knows how to make a film into an event that you can’t miss. Audiences were greatly affected by movies like The Terminator, Aliens, and Titanic. Well we can definitely add Avatar to the ever-growing list of must-sees in the theater.

The Good

I can’t remember a more magical world or desirable setting I’ve wanted to live in than the one created in Avatar. Not even Dazed & Confused. James Cameron thought let’s take Earth, make everything huge and photo-luminescent, and give everyone epic flying mounts so they can ride through floating mountains. Then he took all these natural elements and infused machinery and industry by added a futuristic drilling company, complete with monstrous mining equipment, mech-warrior-esque bots, and flying battleships.

The culmination of this dichotomy happens when the drilling company decides to take out the Na’vi tribe’s home. I especially loved that scene because it pits the might of nature against the cunning of man. Hundreds of missiles are launched in an all-out aerial assault on the largest living organism in the galaxy – a half-mile high, football field-thick tree that is home to the entire tribe. It is a pretty epic and moving scene when the tree is finally felled, and it is a good example of the conflict Avatar presents.

This is the next generation of CGI. The Na’vi were so meticulously created that they seem like a real species. The hardest part about doing CGI is human faces. You could say it is the last element that remains un-perfected, and certainly unrefined. The reason is that humans have a special area of the brain that is dedicated to recognizing human facial structures and facial expressions. That is why we can meet thousands of people in our lives with pretty much the same overall facial structure (2 eyes, 1 nose, about the same size head, etc.), all of which are capable of making thousands of facial expressions, and you and I instantly know who is who and what they’re feeling inside based solely on their face. So, imagine how hard it would be to create convincing CGI involving human faces. Avatar has gotten closer than ever before, and it is worth seeing the film just for this point.

As Jake Sulley discovers the world of Pandora, the audience discovers it with him. There are so many original and interesting things that we come across, everything from the flying mount rite of passage to the suspended hammocks they sleep in. It is so depressing each time Jake actually wakes back up and leaves his Avatar on standby somewhere out there in the jungle – for him and for the audience. Imagine having to leave Neverland or Narnia, and add in the fact that you are not only leaving such a magical world, but the person you have fallen in love with as well. Blast you James Cameron! How do you make love stories so appealing to a regular dude like me?!

Yes, there is a love story. And it is pretty good, although not on the level of Titanic. What takes precedence to the specific love story between Jake and his woman is the love story between Jake and the world of the Na’vi. And the reason we are able to fall in love along with Jake is because of the caliber of film-making. The sequence of events, the emotional highs and lows, the genuineness of the characters, the camera work, the effects – they all had a lot of time and effort put into them.

With the exception of Michelle Rodriguez. Why does she ever get put in a movie? Which leads us to…

The Bad

Michelle Rodriguez is the most worthless actor in Hollywood. Please find me a movie where she has any sort of genuine or natural dialogue. That is a direct challenge to you. You won’t find it in Avatar, that’s for sure. She has maybe 20 lines in the movie. Guess how many of them are not one-liners? None. “I didn’t sign up for this shit.” “You got what it takes, Marine?” “You should see your faces.” And 17 others that you will have to endure if you see Avatar. Michelle, on behalf of everyone who pays $11 for a movie ticket, please go work at a body shop or join the actual Marines.

There were plenty of unbelievable events in Avatar. Pretty much from the time Jake takes down the corporal’s ship to when Jake’s love Neytiri figures out how to put the mask on him, there is not one believable event. Here’s a quick list of things I noticed:

Jake’s avatar falls hundreds of feet to the ground and gets up running without a scratch
The Corporal in his mech suit falls hundreds of feet and slams onto the ground, and neither the corporal nor the mechanical suit are injured or broken in any way
Jake takes on the mech suit in hand-to-hand combat and appears to be just as strong as the mech suit
Again in the same combat sequence, the mech suit appears to be just as agile as Jake
The mech suit loses its gun and unsheaths a knife. Is this thing a robot or a human?
Neytiri somehow gains all knowledge on the human technology of the avatar program and knows where Jake’s real body is, that it needs oxygen (which she’s never heard of), and how to put the mask on him to save his life.

This all happens in the same 10 minute sequence at the climax of the movie. Cameron really could have sealed the deal with a climax the likes of The Matrix or Return of the Jedi, but instead he regresses into a series of classic action movie cliches.

If you read between the lines, it could be apparent that James Cameron is trying to preach environmentalism, Buddhism, and that the US should have left the Native Americans alone. I would slightly disagree with those ideas. I think Avatar is a commentary on humanity overall, not just on current events in America. Since humankind began, superpowers have expanded and gained power over others, because that is human nature. It is also human nature to sacrifice the natural world for the advancement of technology and civilization. Just because we find a new planet doesn’t mean we’re not going to let our humanity show through. In Avatar, humanity loses the battle against the indigenous population. What I take away from this movie is that maybe we were not meant to be on Pandora.

The film does tend to glorify the oneness with nature that the Na’vi have, and it gets a little old after a while. However Pandora is different than Earth because the beings that inhabit it can literally plug in to the network of nature via a very physical communication system. We can’t employ mind control on horses simply by plugging into them, but on Pandora you can create an instant, eternal bond with the same type of animal via the natural communication jack that every living being has. There are completely new and unique lifeforms in a world we have never been to or seen before, so I wouldn’t be too quick to compare every element in Pandora to an Earthly equivalent.

The bottom line is, yes James Cameron has certain political ideas that he could be expressing through his film, but no they don’t ruin the movie. You can easily accept this film as what it is, and enjoy it. That is, unless you come in with a prior agenda of your own.

The Beratings

Acting – No Beratings. Any lack of acting by Michelle Rodriguez is more than compensated for by Giovanni Ribisi. Sam Worthington also creates a very likable and relatable protagonist.

Plot – No Beratings. Wasn’t The Matrix, but it was good enough to keep me enthralled for almost 3 hours.

Inconsistencies – 1 Berating. We spend 45 minutes watching the development of how agile the Na’vi are, and then we see one of them fight a bulky mech warrior and he can’t even get behind it. Despite being undeniably chosen by the Na’vi deity as their savior, Jake is cast out of the tribe without any sign of betrayal on his part. Then accepted back in immediately when he arrives on a bigger dragon.

Unbelievable Events – 1 Berating. See bulleted list in “The Bad” section above. Also, the “Flux Vortex” didn’t make any sense. How can there be floating mountains? Gravity? Magnetism? I looked up the term “flux vortex” and couldn’t find a thing about it.

Semantics – No Beratings. Great soundtrack, CGI, originality, etc.

2/10 Beratings = See it at full price

0/10 Stand in line for the very first showing
1/10 See it the first weekend
» 2/10 See it at full price
3/10 See it at the Five-Buck-Club
4/10 See it at the dollar-fifty
5/10 See it OnDemand
6/10 Rent it from Blockbuster
7/10 Watch it on TV
8/10 Watch it purely for spousal points
9/10 Never watch it
10/10 Buy it and publicly destroy it

Seriously, NBC?!

The Gimcracker — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:27:21 +0000

I know what you’re thinking: two Seriously?! posts about television networks, back to back? The economy is in bad shape, man, and it affects everyone. Or I watched a little too much TV this week. So, did you happen to catch any of the programming on NBC last night, namely The Office and 30 Rock? If you did, you may now loose the wire around your neck – it’s not worth killing yourself. If you didn’t, I just want you to know that this blog post is not exaggerated – these things actually occurred on this planet in this dimension in this country in my living room.

Apparently it is “Green Week” or something (didn’t know that) and NBC is the most liberally-biased network there is (did know that), which is a very annoying combination. Before I tell you what happened, let me refresh you with our classic TGM political disclaimers. I am neither conservative nor liberal on all matters, and I do not fall into either of the groups in the ~~two~~ one-party system. If NBC was ultra-conservative instead of liberal, and it was like “Gun Week” or something, then I would be equally annoyed. Glad we cleared that up. So, what hoopla went on last night, besides a pot-head scoring 3 TDs against Carolina?

I’ll start with a list of topics in the “hot debate” category that were force-fed down our throats with a big, smug, liberal spoon (probably made out of recycled cardboard):

Zero carbon footprint (The Office)
Fluorescent lights (30 Rock)
Green week (The Office/30 Rock)
Socialism (The Office)
Biodegradable objects (The Office)
Earth-friendly sun tea (30 Rock)
Homosexuality (The Office/30 Rock)
How bad aerosols are for the atmosphere (The Office)
Endangered whales (30 Rock)
Big corporations are evil (The Office)
CEOs who spend unnecessary money should be “thrown in jail” (direct quote – The Office)

Seriously, NBC?!

That is just a partial list. I only watched about half of 30 Rock, which equals about 11 minutes, so if you combine that with 22 minutes of The Office, that is a total of 33 minutes of actual shows. You read that list and you start to wonder if there was any actual “show” at all. I guess it’s a testament to NBC’s knack for comedy that the answer to that question is yes, there were actually still quite a few funny moments (although down from the regular average).

My wife pointed this out to me. She noted how we go through each day inundated with ideals, politics, opinions, and controversy. We finally get the chance to sit down at 9 o’clock at night and turn off our brains for a half hour of laughter, and the last thing we want is more ideals and politics, but NBC apparently disagrees. Have you seen SNL recently? It hasn’t always been so political, but nowadays it is probably the most politically-charged, liberal show in the entire world (another NBC show).

I know more than one person who has stopped watching The Office because of how much Micheal Scott reminds them of their own bosses. I have yet to meet someone who has stopped because they can’t stand to hear any more about liberalism. I can tell you right now, I’m not going to be that person who stops. However, if you are that person, and you are strong enough to actually quit, please let me know so I can never accept your challenge in any sort of self-control contest.

For what it’s worth, I am drinking Dunkin Donuts coffee out of a styrofoam cup as I write this, and I promise I will throw it in the styrofoam recycling bin when I’m done – don’t worry.

Paranormal Activity Berated

The Gimcracker — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 14:57:03 +0000

There’s something inside of me that wants to be scared, and that’s why I am constantly pursuing the feeling of fear, whether it’s riding the most thrilling roller coaster on the face of the planet (Top Thrill Dragster at Cedar Point), camping in the middle of the deep dark woods, or seeing scary movies. Coasters and camping are still able to invoke a decent amount of fear in me (although not as much as they used to), but movies are unable to do so. I have not been truly scared of a movie for a long time. That is, until last night.

There have been some good movies that have come close. For instance, The Ring scared me, as did The Others and 1408. And I’m not talking about jumping out of my seat because something on the screen startled me, I’m referring to the sort of scared that sticks with you and interferes with your sleep. I realize that there are a lot of people out there who absolutely do not want to be scared in this way, and that is just fine. But if you are like me and you secretly love that rare feeling of truly being frightened to your core, then go see Paranormal Activity in the theaters as soon as possible.

The Good

They got it right, finally. The best part of scary movies is always the first half as everything starts to build up. It’s the closing act that is always the worst, because you see whatever it is that is supposed to be scary, and we all know that the only thing to fear is fear itself. That is to say, once we know what it is we are fearing, it suddenly loses its potency. The scariness of most scary movies basically boils down to nothing more than how long it takes until we actually see what it is we’re supposed to be scared of. The reason Paranormal Activity is so good is because it saves it until the last 10 seconds of film, and you could argue that it never really even shows us.

There are no credits, no movie studio logos, and no music at the end of the movie. You simply sit there too scared to move, listening to the low rumbling sound and staring at a black screen with just the faintest amount of greenish light coming through. Then you have to go home and try to sleep, and let me tell you this is no easy task.

This movie contains no gore, no special effects, only 4 actors, and takes place all in the same house. And yet it is the absolute scariest movie I have ever seen – bar none. It goes to show that you don’t need a bunch of fancy special effects and quick crazy scenes to make a scary movie. It is shot in a mockumentary style, similarly to Cloverfield, The Blair Witch Project, and District 9, and coincidentally I have loved all of those films.

The Bad

SPOILER ALERT

While I try to stick with the caliber of filmmaking when doing beratings, I can’t help but to point out something that bothered me about some of the motivations behind this film. The woman slowly becomes possessed by a demon throughout the film. The actors are aware of this since a psychic that comes to their house tells them it is not a ghost but in fact a demon. Being a Christian, I know that demons exist, and it is not something to be taken lightly. I am OK with talking about demons in a film, but the problem comes when you don’t talk about the other side of the coin: Jesus Christ. The only way to cast out demons is with His authority, and that seems to me to be a rather well known fact – even among the secular community (via films like The Exorcist). For a movie that spent so much time delving into the realm of the spiritual world, not a single thing was mentioned having anything to do with God (apart from a solitary scene where Katie was holding a bloody cross, which was subsequently burnt).

The Beratings

Acting – No Beratings. You never even notice the two main actors are even acting. They seem so real, like they’re just a young couple that are being spooked by a presence in their house.

Plot – No Beratings. The sequence of events and the build-up is what makes this film good.

Inconsistencies – No Beratings. Everything that happens is likely to have been recorded by Micah and his hand held camera.

Unbelievable Events – 1 Berating. I just don’t see how they wouldn’t be even more petrified than they were. I would have called a priest and/or left the house immediately Even though the demon followed Katie wherever she went, human nature still would be to run from the evil spirit.

Schematics – No Beratings. The movie had surprisingly well-done scenes and very eerie sound effects.

1/10 Beratings = See it the first weekend

0/10 Stand in line for the very first showing
» 1/10 See it the first weekend
2/10 See it at full price
3/10 See it at the Five-Buck-Club
4/10 See it at the dollar-fifty
5/10 See it OnDemand
6/10 Rent it from Blockbuster
7/10 Watch it on TV
8/10 Watch it purely for spousal points
9/10 Never watch it
10/10 Buy it and publicly destroy it